why this feeling?

Why this feeling.

We are three close friends. I am more close to one but get married to other one. It was love marriage. I always have this feeling that this friend of mine will be left alone and am very much concerned. Why ???  I always take him along for outings.

Session……  

There is a railway track. I am hugging a boy aged 18-19 yrs. It is raining. We are under a thatched roof and he is singing. I am happy (smiling).  It is getting dark now. I go home. My father, a woodcutter, asks me where did I go? I tell him I went with the boy (friend at present) and want to marry him.

I am getting married to someone else. That boy is also attending my wedding. He tells me I am looking beautiful. I am wearing a red saree. The groom (husband at present also) is also not willing to marry me. He is not happy. I am also not happy. The boy whom I wanted to marry did not tell me he is sick and about to die.

I go to his small blue colored home. His parents and sister are there. They are trying to make me laugh. It is night. He tells me that he does not know what marriage means and asked me to explain. I did not know there are boys like him. We became friends and are happy.

I told him I want to marry that boy. He asked me do you want to meet him? He took me along. The boy (friend at present) is in hospital.  It is state of Bihar. He told my husband that now only he has to take care of me. He got cured and did not die. We used to meet him. We got him married. It is old times boys wear dhoti.  

Our children are playing. We live in the same town near to each other. My father also lives here. Husband runs a typing shop. I stitch clothes. Our children have got married. A chameleon came near my feet. I do not like it. My husband gave me a stick and asked me to shoo it away. We were talking. He is telling we have to go somewhere and do something. My husband left for some religious function and did not take me along. His (friend at present) wife has expired. Cremation is taking place. He is sad. He lit the pyre and is at peace. Last thought: he is left alone.

I am all alone. My father and husband are not there. Only he (present life friend) is there. We run a school. He looks after the school. I am 70. I am on bed. I get tired. Now he (friend at present) and me live together in the same house. Lesson learnt: even if your love is sick you should marry him.