PLR session

PLR Session -An experience

I am a married 24-25 years old woman in a field in the state of Rajasthan in India. I have dark skin with very sharp features. I am full of life and a happy woman.  I am wearing Rajasthani dress. Few, 4-5 women are returning back from daily work.  There is a village having many mud houses and few concrete houses. I live with my family in one of the concrete white building with a tomb like roof. I am holding a 4/5 months old baby boy in my hand and waiting for my husband who is in the army.

I am more educated than most of people around me but I do nothing and am at home.  We are sitting on floor by the side of square silver tables of low height and food is served in big thalis. We (females) are covering our head to the extent of covering half face too.

I seem to be from a different culture that is not as traditional as all these customs are not too appealing and felt foreign. I am not able to sleep and staring at the stars but I have a small boy to care of. My husband has come. All my excitement of wait for his return is over and I feel sad. He is always serious and does not talk much. We have no communication and never shared any relationship of belonging to each other. I am here just because I am married to him. I am here to be a wife and a mother only. I lost all excitement. I felt so numb as if I no more existed.

I have another son and they both are growing up.  I love a man who is younger to me but I never let him know as I am elder and married with two kids. My heart lighted up for a short while and I felt alive, but it was not correct.  I spoke to my husband about it as our boys had grown up enough but he never uttered a word. I left the house carrying some clothes in a wooden suitcase. When I left he never said a word as if it did not matter to him.

I am in a cream/off white colour saree with black border teaching some higher class.  I meet a man who is a junior colleague and likes me but I never allow any closeness or any sort of feeling enter my heart. He respects me so much that he too prefers just to be a colleague than losing my company.

It is the time of death. I get up to go to the washroom to wash my face. As I get up I fall down. My soul moves out of my body like a layer and is watching the body. The lady in neighbourhood who is my evening tea companion discovers my body. I am cremated in the Indian way and my body is burnt.

Guided to the white light, I met the master soul who barely touched my shoulder and patted me with blessings.