A peep into past

A peep into the past.

Session….

There is a white lily flower in the divine garden. I am walking on the stone pathway towards a small iron gate. I open the gate and enter into the thick fog.  I keep walking as if I know the way. I am in a forest of thick vegetation.  I can hardly see the sky as the trees are so dense. It is morning. I am walking through the trees, sure of my way and reach a stream.  I want to cross the stream but I cannot. There is a wooden hut across the stream.  I call but there is no answer. It seems there is no one in the hut. I walk along the stream and keep walking. I am happy though alone. There is a waterfall, high and deep. I am standing on a boulder on top of it. I am naked and preparing for a dive. There is a black thread like necklace around my neck. I have long black hair and youthful features. I am a young handsome boy, probably in my twenties. I take the dive into the fall. The water is refreshingly cool. I am happy to be here. I am beyond the birth and death cycle. Nature is my mother. I must protect the forest and save the trees and animals. I am guardian of the forest. I take care of the trees and animals. I talk to them. I sleep on the trees at night. I do not go anywhere. I live in the forest. It is my home.

I am a sheriff in Texas in 1970s. There are wooden houses with conical roofs. I am a cowboy. I have black hair, moustache and hard set eyes. I wear a hat and spurs in my leather boots.  I am chewing a straw of grass.  woman in white frill dress with lots of laces is waving a white handkerchief. It is a desert.

There is a ceremony before the launch. Everyone has come to say goodbye. There is American flag and everyone is singing God bless America. There are red and blue balloons. I am a member of a team of six. It is a mission to the moon.

My name is Michael B. And I came to moon with 5 other members. One of them was a woman.  I am an engineer and a farmer. I have a farm and a tractor. We grow wheat. My children are named Joanna and Philip. They have brown hair and bluish green eyes. I am playing with them in the yard. The boy wants to piggy ride on my back. I am wearing khaki pants and a black shirt. I have brown hair and brownish beard. My wife is beautiful. She is wearing a white polka dress with red dots. She is dark skinned with brownish blonde hair. She is Abhilasha.

I am looking at the earth from space. It is a ball of blue. It is amazing. I am floating over the moon. I have been left behind by my team. I had to stay for the mission. I am running low on oxygen. I see my children. I miss my children. I am singing a country song. I want to use the last breath for song. I am gasping now. It's getting dark in front of my eyes. I can't breathe anymore. My body keeps floating in space. It was a necessary sacrifice. Sometimes you have to stay back for the greater good. I volunteered for the mission. I decided to stay back and that's okay. I was ready to die. I have no guilt or regrets. Someone had to do it.

I am an old woman in the garden. I am wearing a loose white shirt, a green hat and yellow gloves. I am planting flowers. I am serene and content. It is 11 am in the morning. I spend most of my mornings like this. My children don't stay with me. I have a loving husband. My house is lovely. It is Paris.

I am in the hospital. I have cancer. My husband is there. I am waiting for my children. The children are here. They brought balloons and cake. My grandchildren are here too and I am absolutely delighted to see them. I have a son and a daughter.

I did not die of cancer. My cancer got cured. I died peacefully one morning. My husband had gone to make tea and I decided to sleep a little more and never woke up. The last thing on my mind was how much I love my husband. I look exactly like my grandmother when she died, curled up and peaceful. I am buried with white roses. The family is clad in white. They are smiling because they know I died peacefully. My daughter is Bandan (my current sister). My name is Elizabeth. I die in the 2000s. Love is everything. Happiness is not complicated. You don't need much to be happy.  I lived a very ordinary and normal life. It was very simple but I was happy.

I am a queen of a small kingdom in Egypt. I have straight black hair, whitish skin and dark eyes like that of a cat. I am wearing a gold crown with a snake hood on it. I am detached from my duties. I don't care about the people or the kingdom. There is a feast and I look unconcerned. It is night time. There are pyramids in the background. I am sitting on the throne with a cup of wine in my hand. It is poisoned. I killed myself. I was so lonely. It was the only way out of the misery. Death was the only escape.

I am a kid in rags looking at things in the market on the street. I look at the queen's convoy. She spots me and takes me along. She adopts me. Why me, I wonder. She was cold and never loved me. She is dead now and so am I. [The Queen is my real life mother]. She was lonely. She just wanted some company. She never had children. She had killed herself too. She didn't know how to express love but I was a kid. It was nobody's fault. I am sorry. I forgive her. I hug her and feel love. [ smile ]

I don't have to be responsible all the time. I don't need to take ownership of everything. I must learn to move on and forgive.  I didn't have to kill myself really. I could have run away. [Killing self is against the law is the universe]

Light White Only White, coming from inside of me but I can still see my head, hands and feet. I am not ready for the message. There is no message.