A 33 year old woman came to find the answer for her sadness for unknown reasons.
Session….
I am meditating sitting on a high stone rock. At the end of my meditation I am looking at the Sun and Namaste to Sun. I took my stuff and walked down the rock. As I am walking wearing a white Dhoti, a white thread and Rudraksh Mala,I can tell I am so energized. I am bald except for a black Choti on the back of my head. My body and brain both are refreshed. I have beautiful black eyes and fair skin tone. As I am walking towards my house I see villagers paying me respect “Namaskar”. I am enjoying my status, my mind and everything around me.
Suddenly I see a girl running and behind her couple of people trying to catch her. I run towards her without giving a second thought. She comes towards me. As I reach her, I signaled her to come behind me. I covered her. The moment she touched my back as she was hiding, I felt instant attraction towards her. People who followed her are in front of me but they leave as they respect me. I bring the girl home as I cannot leave her in the middle. We don’t talk on the way.
My mother is at home and she gives her food. She looks at me constantly. I am attracted to her. After few days of her stay at our home one day she came upstairs in my room. She said she wants to marry me. I was shocked but confused as I was a saint but I was attracted towards her also. She feels safe with me and attracted to me. She is bold and very straight forward. She is very clear but I am confused about marriage. I leave the home in confusion. I came back in the evening and found her in my room waiting for me. I hugged her passionately and said yes.
We are getting married. Marriage ceremony is over. Suddenly some villagers carrying lathis in their hands came to our house. I realized I lost my respect due to this marriage. Villagers were very angry with me. I don’t know who she was and in what situation she was in. I married her due to attraction and the situation we were in. It was only love, no judgment for each other. But this was not enough for society. The villagers almost beat me to death but I don’t feel the pain. They took her away to the river. Somehow I run behind them but they drown her in front me and I could not do anything. She died in the river. I think to drown myself also as I did not want to live any more but I did not do it. I spent days and nights on the river bank, just sitting sad and helpless. And then I came back to my home.
Now I am little older, two young boys run around the house and smile at me. I often see them in my home and around. I think they are growing with me. I spent all my life in sadness and without purpose. I lost my physical and mental beauty just repenting on the thought that I could not live my life as I wanted. I was neither a saint nor a family man. I am sad, has no interest and liveliness as I had when in was young. I felt failure inside. I died in sadness.
In light, Lord Shiva gave her guidance and energy. She left my Chamber saying I feel very light. She said.. Thank you doctor Vandana Ji for this wonderful experience, I feel as if my soul is healed.
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